Wednesday morning started out like any other morning. No it didn’t. We have a puppy now, so add that in. I open my eyes, and check my newsfeed, to make sure that I know about all of the horrific events that took place while I slept. Actually, that’s not entirely true…first I pray, then I check my newsfeed. On this Wednesday, the first thing my blurry eyes see, is a local story about a woman who was walking in a DC park, and was killed by a tree falling on her. Just like that? How does that happen? Why? She thought she was just going on a walk and then she dies? My mind loves to spin is slippery circles and other shapes over things like this. Let’s just say, it is how I get to be a member of The Tortured Poets Department, thank you Taylor Swift.
Remember I mentioned puppy? Wednesday was day 8 of having our delicious, fluff nugget….getting into a “routine”, taking different walks around the neighborhood, meeting new dog friends, peeing and pooping in new places…all of it. So, I take the little beauty out for a walk around 2:00pm, not really knowing which direction I would go, but quite aware that it was HOT as ever (98 degrees/feels like 104), and that finding shade if possible would be the way I would go.
We sauntered down the walkways and around to the shady sidewalks, onto city streets…at a certain point, the pup finds a well-covered, nice patch of shade and sits. I stand, marveling at her cuteness, being present (which is highly challenging for this nervous system), when I hear a sound I do not recognize. The best way to describe it, based on my lived experience is this- pop corn popping, with your ear next to it, with your hearing aids turned up to the highest level AND a staple gun being played through a megaphone AND fire crackers breaking. That is what I heard…and immediately thought, “Must be construction in one of our buildings in the complex…”, but then I looked at my sweet butter ball pup, her face looking confused, the sound getting faster and louder, and this thought came into my head, “The woman this morning!” and I ran up the sidewalk…I got about 10 to 15 feet, when a massive branch from the tree we were under came crashing down.
I just stood there. In shock. Thinking, “What the fuck is going on? How did that just happen?” If it weren’t for two separate women that approached me right after this, telling me they just saw that, I would begin to wonder if I was going crazy. But each of them said to me, “Did you hear about the woman walking her dog in the park this morning? A tree fell on her and she died.” Yes, I read about the woman who died from a tree this morning, but NO, i did NOT know she was walking her dog!
To make it even weirder, my husband was working from home, sitting in a room that faces the street I was on. He was on a call, and did not know I had gone out for a walk….He saw the tree come down, and cam into the living room to get me to come look at this massive tree that just crashed down onto a brick wall in front of our building. At that moment, I was calling him to tell him what had just happened. So, he witnessed it, not knowing I was under this tree seconds before it fell, and I experienced it, not knowing he was watching it happen.
All I can say is, Wednesday was not my day to go. To leave this life. But the woman! The one who did die. From a tree. Waling her dog. That same day. WHY? So many times, we get to ask why. And so many times, we don’t get to know the answer. For me, that is a pivotal place- I can go the route of fear, or I can go the path of faith. I guess so. But I’ve decided that I can feel BOTH at once- I can ask the why, not get the answer, feel scared, and go forward anyway. If I had to have all of the answers, I would never leave my apartment, would analyze endlessly with dead poets, and live not IN life, but be a prisoner of wanting to figure it all out.
Today, I’m putting down the why. Onward…..
Little Truth Tales 