First of all…Happy Birthday, Taylor Swift! Yesterday I figured out the answer to a question people have been asking me over the past year-ish- “You’re a Swifty?!?!??!? How did that happen???” The only answer I have been able to come up with until yesterday (watching episodes 1 and 2 of her new docuseries) was, “Well, I always thought she was a newer version of Brittany Spears, a tween cult, with dance music and be-bop beats, puffy stickers and journals with heart locks…..but…..that was before I ever listened to her music. After hearing some of her songs, I realized she was a deep, dark truth teller, and of course, that swallowed me up whole. I immediately needed to hear all of her dismal, heart-rendering music. She says a lot of things, that I think in my spinning brain, but don’t say…unless I’m screaming her lyrics…with her. So yeah, I guess I’m a Swifty, even though I can’t stand saying that word.
I’m 57 years old (well, officially, tomorrow). How can I be into something like this? When I watched the faces of all of those in the audience of her concerts, I started crying. I don’t cry easily. I’d like to chalk it up to me having the flu and feeling like shit, but nooooooooo, the truth is this- I saw the faces, the eyes of millions of people feeling a part of something, feeling joy and sadness at once, feeling understood…what looked like a true spiritual experience. And I felt that! And then I knew why. Why I dove so far deep over her lyrics, why I can scream her songs in my car alone for hours while my dog looks at me with a side eye like no other. It was because, at the time I found Taylor songs, I had not found my TBI Wives group (traumatic brain injury wives group). I was lost. For years. And then had her lyrics to help me “verbalize” shit I didn’t think anyone else could understand.
She was a bridge that I didn’t even know just how badly I needed. Timing can be like that- precious timing, full of grace…and you don’t even know it in the moment. But now I do.
Since yesterday, sobbing while witnessing a world of humans feeling a part of something bigger than themselves, I have a very different answer to the question of, “Are you a Swifty?” FUCK YES I AM. She saved my drowning ass, in what felt like a fucked up storm that lasted way to long to weather alone. But when I could belt out evermore with Taylor and Bon Iver, I knew that others have gone through scary life stuff, and come out ok. So, I found her and her truth and felt some relief…but it wasn’t until I found TBI Wives that I really knew I was in the right place. I have heaps of gratitude everyday over the fact (or, blessing) that I found this.
And then she got engaged. Taylor and Travis. Lol. I can not believe I’m typing these words. But I am. I think that was a spark of hope- that in the world of mess, heartache, illness, tragedy, good things can still be. I know, I know….they are billionaires, blah blah blah….but just take the basic theme- you can have pain and still find joy. That’s it. That simple.
Thank you, Taylor for your words that kept me afloat, your honesty that people need to hear, and providing such a massive community for humans wolrd-wide to feel a part of. I have to mention, because it’s funny and true- I have never watched a football game in my life- 56 years- NO football. None. And now when my husband starts to mention something about a UNC game being on at whatever o’clock on Sunday, and I say, “As long as it’s not during the Chief’s game at this o’clock.” Anyone who knows me, is probably thinking , “No way. She’s not serious.” But it’s true.
So there you have it. Finding unexpected saving graces in the strangest places. I am a Swifty.
Little Truth Tales 