Little Truth Tales #30: Yom Kippur

This morning I woke up, knowing I wanted to reach out to my kids, to say something meaningful of thought provoking…because today is Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year for Jews. I decided on a group text that went like this:

And after sending that, an idea formed in my mind. I thought about what I had written and how I was going to go about doing this myself. Nature. Walking in nature. That’s what is needed. So that sparked the following experience:

I started my walk with Clover toward the woods, which is where I was to have this moment- reflection, repentance, and an idea of what to work on in the coming year. We set out, crossing a big street, and my phone rings. My first thought- I should have turned the ringer off for this. But then after digging out my phone from my purse, I saw it was Max..and I was so happy I did not turn it off. I mean, he’s the one who said to me once, “Mom, you should be a rabbi.” What????? No one has ever said that to me before. It was funny and complimentary at the same time. As we are talking, I notice I am following a trail of blood drops. Not freaky, fresh blood, but old, dried blood. I guess that’s freaky too.

This blood continued all the way down to Washington Hebrew, which I wanted to pass by on this day….I needed to see a synagogue. And every person I saw looked like a possible terrorist. What does that look like, you mutter? ANY HUMAN BEING. The blood stops right there. And the entrance to the woods is right there too…

Into nature we go…no longer on the phone, Clover and I traverse a bunch of log “stairs” into nature. It’s such a welcome feeling, and, we are greeted by loads of dead, black tree droppings (I use those words because I have no idea what they are, in terms of flora). Then a tiny, dead mouse. The sweetest little puff of grey fluff. I’m in search of water, preferably moving water. <Google Yom Kippur/Tashlich if you care to…it’s something done on Rosh Hashanah, but I’m doing it now>. I printed a poem I wrote, and wanted to be able to cast it, piece by piece, into the water (Yes, biodegradable).

There is definitely fear involved in this woods mission, as I don’t tent to venture into these types of places alone. Faith over fear, I repeat out load, wishing that somehow, saying these words would provide a protective shield of sorts.

Then there’s a man. Of course. I see him, but what my eyes see is the news flash about the Jews murdered in the UK this morning, for being Jewish…on the high holiday! Being Jewish today for me, includes thoughts of, “I might get stabbed, does he know I’m Jewish (I’m wearing a necklace with Am Yisrael Chai on it), the hatred today is one of the scariest things I’ve seen in my lifetime.

In that moment, I really wish my teddybear-faced pup to turn into a large German Sheppard or two. Obviously, fear is outpacing faith. I keep going, looking for water in motion. The ground gets mushy and muddy. That’s hopeful.

I see the water. Just still…no movement. Knowing this is the most water I am going to find here today, I roll up my poem, place it under a little, wood bridge, hoping that if/when it rains, this will float away…like the year passed.

Ready for what is to come…lots of steep, wood stairs, I’m hungry (even though I’m not fasting), and thirsty, but somehow thrilled to face a challenge. We did it. Out of the woods, up a big hill, another tiny, dead mouse, but not grey, a right when the hill is about to make me out of breath, a beautiful Rose of Sharon bush is blooming in all of its glory, between a sidewalk and a busy street. I love that so much. It can be interpreted in so many ways (if your mind is like mine). I know what it means for me. I smile.

We loop back the in exact same steps with which we began. A closing of a shape. Not a circle. Probably more like a rectangle…the importance being- closing of a loop, ending of a year, open to what lies ahead.

Lots to think about- fear, faith, hate, antisemitism, death, Mother Nature, challenges, not finding what you thought you were looking for and finding something better, challenges- physical and mental, the life path/journey, meaning, reflection, feeling the fear and doing it anyway, personal growth, repentance and so much more.

Today, I pray for the health, the peace, and a shift in humanity that is needed.

G’mar chatima tova- a good final sealing.